tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
