we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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