Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize