the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let's get the cat blown out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
