Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
