the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
