I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
