my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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