i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize