i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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