I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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