it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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