Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize