just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
