When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
