shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
