She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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