watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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