We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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