Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
