I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
