This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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