i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
