How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
