A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
