Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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