onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
