He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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