In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
