Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
