Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
