Non-Jews are for practice
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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