so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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