My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
