she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
