I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
