You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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