Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
