i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
