I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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