i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
