And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
