our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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