I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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