I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
