Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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