Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
