Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
