i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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