her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
soo... how was my night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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