I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
