No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was born a porn star she said
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
