Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
