I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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