theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
