Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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