They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You left your phone here
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