Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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