This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
