I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
