you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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