DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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