I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
