Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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