Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
