is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
