Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
